Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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