i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
