Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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