Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
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my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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