I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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