When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
