one word: firstdatebathroomanal
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
