I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
