if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My breasts were aching with rage.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
