tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
