i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You ate ashes out of my bong
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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