after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
