I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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