Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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