I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
