He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
