Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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