ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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