dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
