last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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