my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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