whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he fucked my hip out of place.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
