I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
