I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
