Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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