omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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