so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
