do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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