nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
