my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
