I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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