Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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