My sheets look like a crime scene.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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