nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
