I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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