Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
