So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
