Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
