Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
