I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
