When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
