and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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