Moan for me like Helen Keller
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
whose parrot is this?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
