I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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