I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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