I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
