Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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