Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
