Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
