I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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