sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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