Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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