He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
