Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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