my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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