cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize