if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
