Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
