Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
