Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
