i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
