i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
