Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
